All I wanted for my birthday was a full and finalized Cleveland Browns coaching staff.
The Browns, as is their habit of getting a fan's hopes up, then remembering they don't really give a bulldog's backside about winning, then realizing that they should probably try and appease the people with the butts that they have to put in the seats, have half-wrapped an already-used package for me, and included a card that said, "Happy New Year, 2002 / 2007".
This "lovely" package comes to me after the Browns ran former head coach Rob Chudzinski out on a rail, a move I found ridiculously knee-jerk and largely unfair. Yes, Chud "steered" the Browns to a 4-12 record in 2013. A kitten could've probably done that on pure cuteness and threat of tiny claws.
- Thankfully this didn't come to pass, but it would've been cute... (Image credit to sportspickle.com)
However, I feel like Chud, Norv Turner, and Ray Horton were on the border of something decent. Not good, but decent. I mean, there were very few true blow-out losses in the '13 season, and the team was in several games they probably shouldn't have been in. To say that we were dealing with a fluid situation at quarterback and running back is being Mother Theresa and Pope Francis levels of kind. The defense was overall well above average, but was gassed near the end of the season as the secondary was a bit of an issue (also another understatement from watching some of the games). Six Browns went to and played in the Fantasy Football Bowl, and they did quite well. There were several bright spots on this team throughout the year, but not enough consistency.
The front office solved that issue by blowing up the whole of the coaching staff, ensuring that the lack of consistency continued.
Bravo, Stooges. Bravo.
But even in the bleakness that is considered the norm of Cleveland sports, we try to put the past behind us, and look towards the future. Well, unless your name is Art Modell, LeBron James, Michael Jordan, John Elway...
Anyway, we look towards the future, and the name we've finally come to is Mike Pettine. Pettine, a defensive mind from the New York Jets and (most recently) the Buffalo Bills, looks like one of those guys that you just don't want to mess with. The Twitter was alight with comparisons to one WWE wrestler:
Mike Pettine kind of looks like Stone Cold Steve Austin. So he's got that going for him.
— Ben Axelrod (@BenAxelrod) January 23, 2014
Or another:
New #Browns coach Mike Pettine or wrestling superstar Goldberg? #EvCoRadioShow pic.twitter.com/0Gur9z0xSf
— ESPN 106.3 (@ESPN1063) January 23, 2014
Or a slash-fic wet dream of the combination of the two:
I'm convinced. Mike Pettine is the love child of Goldberg and Stone Cold Steve Austin pic.twitter.com/qp9f7HKN5e
— Brian (@216Brian) January 22, 2014
I myself likened him to Jesse "The Body" Ventura of gubernatorial old, before he went completely conspiracy crazy.
- Tell me to say "Barkevious Mingo" one more time... "The Body" dares you... (Image courtesy of prowrestling.wikia.com)
The Browns press conference to announce Pettine's hiring was, of course, the talk around town, even up til now. The man who said that he "wasn't trying to win press conferences" said all the right things. The man who wasn't comfortable being in the limelight made himself comfortable by talking about the talent the team has, talking about needing to "get a little bloody" in the AFC North, and talking about how the team has to be held accountable and start bucking the losing attitude that seems to have invaded the locker room (and possibly spelled doom for Chud after the team 'gave up' last season).
On the surface, I was simply happy that the Browns finally got a guy... Any guy... To fill the role so that this monstrosity of rebuilding could begin.
Again.
However, diving a little deeper into the presser (which I sadly didn't see live), I'm liking what Pettine is saying. Yes, I know as Browns fans we've heard the good song-and-dance before, but there's something a little different about this one. Maybe it's the fact that he's not an "Ohio guy"; several of our former coaches had some sort of past connections to the team, and that might have allowed them some latitude in their minds. There's also the fact that Pettine is coming out of a defensive system in Buffalo that was actually pretty good in 2013. Talent-wise, I feel the Browns are as good or a bit better than the Buffalo staff was, which bodes well for a Browns defense that was (as I mentioned previously) a good squad. Pettine's hire, along with pivotal pieces he brought with him from his Buffalo staff (including the Browns' new DC Jim O'Neil), gives me the feeling like the defense is set up for an improved year next year. So long as the secondary gets addressed, either by scheme or personnel changes, there's a lot of hope for avoiding some of the last-chance victories our opponents had like last year.
The big piece to the puzzle, unsolved until Saturday, was the offensive coordinator. The offense last year was, in a word, rubbish. There was no consistency, going through several quarterbacks and a stable of runners in 16 games. There was also the matter of the majority of the receiving corps underachieving horribly, with Josh Gordon and Jordan Cameron the only real threats. Now we have Kyle Shanahan, formerly of the Washington Redskins, onboard as our OC.
I am a supreme fan of this hire. While some of the 'pundits' were questioning how well the interview with Shanahan went, Pettine and the Browns front office apparently saw enough good to bring Shanahan onboard. The big thing on this is that we might finally get some stability in the quarterback position, though the name might not be known right now. The leader in the clubhouse (at least someone already on our roster) would likely be Brian Hoyer, who seems to be recovering decently from ACL surgery. However, the likelihood everyone seems to be leaning towards is the drafting of Johnny Manziel with the first of the Browns' two first-round draft picks. With either man at the helm, the Browns under Shanahan get the good, mobile quarterback that was part of the success the Redskins under Shanahan and with RG3 in command.
There's also the matter of running backs, which have been a particular weakness for this team. McGahee is definitely not the answer going forward, nor do I feel that Ogbonnaya is the first choice. I think Fozzy Whittaker is an intriguing choice moving forward, but I feel (and others are thinking) that, once again the Browns will be drafting a running back early. Seems to be a repeat of recent years, but... This time I think we've got some people that might actually have some plans, some know-how on the who and what for doing it their way, and doing it well.
So am I happy with my birthday present?
The packaging and toys look pretty in the box.
Too bad assembly won't happen until Training Camp.
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